He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?
by Ayden Silverflame
Summary: Sequel to Alone. Demyx and Zexion have been rescued by Cosmos. But Zexion has no memory of the love they shared. Can he rekindle it in time? AkuRoku, Dexion. Lemons in later chapters MAYBE.
1. Through the Kitchen Sink

**A.N. NEW STORYYY!!! This is the sequel to Alone, and it's a Dexion!! Wewt!! Oh….THERE WILL BE SMUUT!!! Yay for smut!! This will be my first time writing smut…but I read a whole bunch of stories!! -0.o Oooh……-**

…**..yeh…..anyway……o.0**

**Like I said, this is a sequel. I decided to make these stories into like, a mini-series. The first one, which is as yet unnamed, will explain more about my whole Cosmos thing. (In case you didn't know, Cosmos is like the biggest Final Fantasy goddess…so I used her here!)**

**In Alone, I tackled depression. In this one I think I'll tackle denial, or something like that. I won't be writing myself into the story this time though. This isn't a self-searching tale like Alone was, this is just for fun!!!**

**Warning: BOYS LOVEYAOI!!!! Which is man on man. God's gift to bored teens. Language.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters I use, unless I made them up; then their either figments of my imagination or my other personalities. Up to you to decide :9**

**Oh…it starts out AkuRoku….just to let you know…**

_**Recap:**_

"**Axel? Axel…." Asleep, and back at home, Roxas was resting, on a new mattress and sheets of course. Dreaming, he searched for the cinnamon that accompanied him in all his dreamtime wanderings.**

**Axel chuckled. Stripping down to his boxers, he deftly fell into the searching arms.**

"**I'm here love." bending down, he nuzzled Roxas' neck, and listened to the blonde's sigh of contentment.**

**Roxas sighed, waking up. "Come closer…"**

"**I know what A L U F stands for." Axel whispered into the blonde's ear, as his hands started to caress the awaiting body. His love, for now and forever.**

"**What?" Roxas asked sleepily, listening wholeheartedly. "And it's an 'E' not an 'F'." running his hands through Axel's straight hair ( he hadn't bothered to spike it since that first day…Roxas was kind of missing the spikes actually)**

"**No, it's an 'F'. Don't argue with me. It stands for: Axel Loves U Forever." he said, hugging his Roxas close.**

"**You starts with a 'Y' silly." Roxas shivered in anticipation as Axel's hands explored. "But other than that, I like it. Though the 'F' was supposed to be an 'E'."**

"**I know that I'm not an idiot. Just go with it." Kissing along Roxas' jaw line he stopped. "Did you hear something?"**

"**No. But I'm waiting too." Roxas sat up and nipped Axel on the bottom lip. "Come on, you've been waiting for this for a long time." he fell back, the back of his hand going to his forehead dramatically. "Please, sir, don't steal my virtue roughly!"**

"**Silly virgin…" Axel chuckled and got to work.**

**Neither of them noticed the sink bubbling, a dark portal appearing right in their kitchen again. They also didn't notice the searching hands reach out, to pull themselves free. A lanky blonde and a shorter blue haired boy tumbled out, landing in an unconscious heap on the kitchen tile.**

**But that is another story entirely…**

**----**

**Zexion woke on a cold, hard floor to the sounds of someone getting laid.**

**Lovely.**

**Standing up, he brushed off his front, removing any dust that may have gathered there. Nudging his idiot companion with is boot (okay, so it was more like a kick than a nudge).**

"**Wake up, imbecile. Let's find out where we are."**

**Demyx mumbled, waking up slowly. "Noidon'twantthepurplemooglepie-" he muttered, then fully waking from whatever dream he was having.**

**Zexion rolled his eyes.**

"**Oh, Zexy!!" jumping up and giving the blue haired boy a bear hug, he pulled away. "Why you're as stiff as a board! Here let me give you a massage!" kneading his strong hands into the shoulders of the shorter boy, he smiled benignly.**

**Zexion flinched, and then grunted as the idiot worked out a knot. Dumb-ass he may be, but he gave great massages. "Let go of me, gay wad, let's go see what's going on."**

**A loud moan punctuated the gloom of the dark apartment.**

"**Or more precisely put, **_**who's**_** getting done." he walked towards the sounds, to the back of the apartment. Demyx giggled. Who was getting done. How hilarious!!**

**Demyx grabbed Zexion's arm, hugging him tightly. "I was so afraid that we'd never see each other again if it wasn't for-"**

**Zexion rounded on the blonde, "Fag, let me go. I don't know who gave you the idea that I was gay, but it's not true. And what they hell is this stupid black cloak?"**

**Demyx froze. He had forgotten. Zexion had been destroyed completely by Riku's darkness…Cosmos had put him back together so he could be with Demyx…but he had no memory of his time spent with the Organization.**

**That was the price he had to pay for his love. He had to win him, which was completely backwards. He was usually the uke, damn it. Now he had to become a seme?**

**Cosmos, it appeared, had a sense of humor. That or she was really, very cruel.**

**Walking silently down the hallway, the reached a closed door, the sounds resonating from within.**

"**All of it!" a voice said, Demyx's ears perked up. It sounded familiar.**

"**But it's our first time…it'll hurt like hell…" said a deeper, more masculine voice, punctuated with moans from both parties. That voice was unmistakable.**

"**AXELL!!!!!!!! Bursting the door open, Demyx glomped the naked redhead, who had been busy trying to insert his rather large manhood into a rather small entrance.**

**Roxas jumped, and grabbed a sheet to cover himself while Axel danced around, trying to dislodge the blonde musician form his body.**

"**Ger off me ya little idiot!!" he growled, trying to push him off. Then he froze.**

**Zexion, Demyx, your **_**alive**_**!" grabbing the blonde and the blue haired boys, he gave them huge bear hugs, forgetting the fact he was naked.**

**Zexion pushed him away. "Get away from me freak! Great do I have to deal with two gays?!"**

**Axel froze. Turning to Demyx, he pushed the blonde and the blue out of the room.**

"**You guys go sit on the couch and wait. I'm deflowering my boyfriend here." Turning back to Roxas, he smiled at the stricken boy.**

"**Let's continue." he purred, walking back to the bed slowly. The idea of Roxas losing his virginity…that was enough to make him hard again.**

**Roxas gulped. "I'm not quite sure I'm…er…in the mood for it now…"**

**Axel crossed his arms over his muscled chest. "What? Two hotties just burst into our room and you're not in the least bit turned on?"**

**Roxas blanched. "No…." he whispered. Great, now the love of his life was mad at him!!**

**Axel chuckled. "Well if you don't want full on sex anymore, there's nothing I can do about it, now is there." Sitting on the bed, he started to jack off.**

**Roxas gulped again…even though he was mortified at having been burst in on, the sight of Axel doing that turned him on again. Reaching over, he grabbed Axel's hands and replaced them with his own. Smiling ever-so-slightly he licked Axel's tip.**

"**Oh, Roxas…"Axel moaned, as the small blonde gave head for his very first time. "You're really good for a virgin…"**

**Roxas ignored the redhead, and reveled in the taste of his -meep- boyfriend's manhood. Licking fast and hard, he gently nipped the roundness that was Axel's head…hard enough for pleasure but not hard enough to hurt.**

"**Goddess…" Axel moaned again, and threading his hands in the blonde's hair, he pulled the smaller boy's head up and down faster, quickening the pace, urgency and need to come filling him.**

**Roxas gasped, taking a deep breath, and filling his nostrils with the strange gingersnappy smell of Axel's skin. "Goddess you even **_**taste faintly of gingersnaps." Positioning himself just right, he started to work faster, he could just feel the vibrations as Axel's muscles spasm in a pre-orgasmic twitch. **_

_**Pulling his mouth off at the last minute, he watched in smug satisfaction as Axel shot his cum all over the bed and sheets and on his neck. Curious, he experimentally licked up a stray drop that had fallen on his cheek, and sighed. "Tastes like snot." spitting, he stood up, and grabbed the blanket to wipe off his lover's juice.**_

_**Throwing on his boxers and a Skele-animal T-shirt, he walked towards the door, grabbing his **_

_**jammy bottoms at the last second.**_

"_**Get up, let's go see how the hell your dead friends ended up walking in on you stealing my virginity.**_

_**Demyx fidgeted, wishing he had his beloved Arpeggio. He really, really needed something to do.**_

"_**Stop fidgeting, idiot." an indifferent voice whispered from across the room. "Gods, why can't you sit still?" this time, a little bit of irritation dripped into the voice. Demyx looked up at Zexion. **_

"_**Why are you so hateful?" he asked quietly.**_

"_**It's probably because I'm scared shitless, that's why." the blue haired boy replied. "I have no idea who you are, why I'm with you, and who the hell that lady was. I don't know why I'm wearing these awful leather robes, and I have no idea how I got into some strange gay's apartment." he paused. "I really wish I could remember." the last sentence was uttered with a silent wistfulness, and Demyx felt bad.**_

"_**I explained everything to you didn't I?" he asked softly. "Didn't I tell you everything that happened?"**_

"_**Yes. But I don't understand it at all. Why the hell would I help some maniacal evil mastermind try to take over the universe?"**_

"_**Because you wanted your heart back."**_

"_**How was I alive without a heart?"**_

"_**I don't know I failed biology." Demyx sat back. "And I'm sure Roxas has some clothes you could borrow if you wanted too." **_

"_**Sure, he can wear whatever he wants." the blonde stepped into the room, a t-shirt and pajama bottoms now covering his dignity. "He looks about my size." grabbing the hand of the blue haired boy, he pulled him toward the bedroom. Axel passed them in the short hallway, swooping down for a kiss as he walked by. **_

"_**So Demyx, how the hell did you end up here, interrupting our fun?" he asked, as he sat down in the chair opposite his Mohawk sporting friend.**_

_**Demyx paused. "It's a long story."**_

_**Axel smirked. "You got a while. That blowjob was great, so I'm feeling rather perky. You got my attention until I can get it up again."**_

_**Demyx blushed. Blowjob huh? "Your hair's different."**_

"_**You're changing the subject. Get to it!"**_

"_**It all started after that idiot Sora killed me in Hollow Bastion…"**_

_**-----**_

_**A.N. hey sorry guys for updating this while it was crappy. Redoing it now, I realize I was too excited about my new story. So I hope you'll forgive me, and keep reading. New chapter will be up in a bout a week or so. Love you bunches and don't forget to review!**_

_**p.s. Sorry for Sexy Zexy's attitude, it'll change up in a bit. **_


	2. Suffocating Emptiness, What's Missing?

A.N. So I'm gonna try doing POV's, which I've never really done before except in creative writing class once, and I know I write pretty crappy, but I promise I'm trying to get better. So please, keep reading? And again I'll apologize if their OOC. Cuz frankly, I like making them a bit different. Just to get them out of the rut. Ooh and no more smut till later. Sorry Candy-chan and Fangirls!! J And I'll also apologize for Zexion's attitude, he'll be a real bitch for a while.

Lots of apologies. I really suck. .

Disclaimer: I don't own KH or the characters. Unfortunately -wiggles eyebrows-!

Warning: this is a Yaoi Story. Which means guys are in love with each other. Sex will be a minimum for a while, since writing smut makes me giggle and blush a lot. :P and Language.

*Demyx's POV*

"So Sora killed you, big deal. He killed a lot of us." Axel said, ruffling his long hair. It was a bit disconcerting to see it down…it was still beautiful, just different. I actually liked it a bit. Not as much as Zexion's hair but still…Axel was sexy in a badass way.

"Yeah, but then Cosmos appeared. Like I'm guessing she did for you?" Axel nodded at my question. 'So I was there, in her palace-thingy. Groveling of course, what else would you do for a goddess." I paused, the images filling my mind. "She was beautiful, and kind. She told me that I shouldn't have died…that it wasn't 'my time'." Again Axel nodded at this statement.

I ran my fingers through my mull-hawk nervously. "She put her hand over my heart, and I felt it get put back. It was painful. More painful than I thought it would be, anyway. Then she said she was sending me to you, cuz you'd be able to help me adjust to 'the new life.'"

Axel snorted. "Yeah they have a lot of different stuff here. Mainly these really yummy things called 'smoothies' and of course 'chili-cheese fries'. 'Malls' are really cool too." I just sat there and stared at him. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Anywho…So I was there…and she was about to send me here and I was like, 'What about my Zexion?'" I laughed. "She looked at me like, what the hell? And then realized what I was talking about." I drifted back into the memory of that…er…day? Night? Whatever you'd call it. After death experience? Gah, I don't know. I'm not good at words. Music yes, words no.

"Zexion?" that timeless voice had asked. "What about him?"

I looked up, into her eyes, and lost myself in the forever that seemed to reside there. "I don't want to live without my Zexion…" I told her.

She looked troubled. "Zexion…is a special case. I've been trying to put him back together, but it's been really hard." she smiled at my puzzled look, "Even for a Goddess. Riku, he totally tore Zexion to shreds with his darkness." (a.n. I dint play the game I read the books. So idk if that's totally right, but just deal with it)

I cried out. "But, but you can fix it right? You're a Goddess!" I felt tears run down my face. This was not the way it was supposed to be. And, gods, it was so painful! This heart, that I worked so hard to get back…it hurt me so very, very much.

"I can…" she paused. "But there will still be damage. It wasn't just his body, his soul and his heart; even though it wasn't with him, were destroyed as well. It was all I could do to gather the pieces together."

She stepped off of her dais, and hugged me softly, motherly. I, a regular human being, was being hugged by the Goddess! I paused at that thought, then wrapped my arms around her and bawled in her shoulder.

"What is he crying for, Mother?" a voice asked from the shadows.

My head jerked up, and the Goddess shushed the voice. "Not now, you're not ready!"

A cloaked figure stepped out of the shadows. DareIhope? I thought to myself fiercely. The figure pulled back its hood and-

There he was. My beautiful, slate haired boyfriend. With a cry of joy, I shot out of her arms and proceeded to glomp him. Bending down, I tasted his lips, the ones that I had missed for so long. All those years, that I had been alone after Riku had killed my Zexion, the came rushing back at me as I kissed him, deeply and passionately, my tongue seeking entrance. I would have deepened it but-

He didn't respond at all. Breaking off, I peered down at him, confused. Was this not my Zexion? Could he somehow be a different one?

"That's called a kiss, Zexion." Cosmos whispered silently.

"I don't think I really like it, Mother." he said, bored.

I looked up at the glowing woman, hurt and betrayal shooting across my face.

"Demyx…come here for a minute…" she whispered, and gestured for me to stand with her.

Standing up, I got off of my grey love.

"Aren't you going to apologize to me, boy?" he asked. "You attacked me, you know." looking into my face, he looked confused for a moment, and then the Zexy mask was back on. Reaching up (because I am after all, a few inches taller than him) he captured one of my tears on his finger. "Boy, why are you crying?" (a.n. I know I know. How horrible am I? I just couldn't resist though!)

"Zexion, go read your book." Cosmos shook her hand dismissively.

"Yes, Mother." and walking out of the room, he disappeared around a corner. I watched as the only person I loved left me behind.

"Wh-what's wrong with him?" I asked, between the tears.

She sighed, and in that moment I realized it must be very, very hard being a Goddess.

"He's not quite finished. But now that you're here, you can help me out."

The memories faded, and I realized I had told it all to Axel without even trying. Guess I'm just fuckin' twisted like that, hmm?

"So, Cosmos had you help her put him back together?" Axel asked. He scooted over to me and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. "I'm sorry Demyx. It has to be hard. Ya know, your gonna have to top now, hmm?"

"Who's topping who?" Roxas asked, as he stepped into the room, and sat on Axel's lap. Removing his arm from my shoulders, he wrapped it around the other blonde's waist.

"Nothing, love." he said, nuzzling Roxas' neck.

"You're getting hard again." Roxas laughed, shifting uncomfortably. Axel hissed, breathing in quick. Roxas blushed. "I think I'll sit really, really still now. Moving didn't help a bit."

I laughed, and then choked as Zexion came into the room. Not only had Roxas dressed him, he had totally made him over. His hair was carefully fixed over his right eye, and eyeliner was applied thickly on his left. Black, skinny pants and a tight black shirt with some kind of brown cartoon character covered his chest. But the tight clothes accented his body a lot…I could feel my attraction for this man I loved (I was getting a bit hard, too). I was just about to glomp him, and glomp him hard, my big grin making my face hurt a bit when-

One thought sobered me up. This man…he was the one that didn't remember me at all, the one that didn't seem to like me in the least. The one I loved with all my being. Looking down, I buried my face in my hands.

Needless to say, I wasn't grinning anymore.

*Zexion's POV*

(a.n. quick not. Anything that Zexy isn't sure of, I.e. emotions or terms he doesn't know, will have apostrophes around them)

* (see?)

I walked behind 'Roxas'* slowly, the clothes he let me wear were very comfortable. Way more comfortable than the ones I had been wearing.

And this stuff on my eyes…it looks…'good'? I thought to myself. But the emotion I knew I should be feeling, 'pridehappinesscontentment', just didn't seem to surface.

I began to wonder, with a slight hint of 'fear' (since my mind only seemed to hint at 'feelings' …), if Mother had put me back together right. Had something gone wrong?

Or was I just really fucked up?

I could feel something missing on the inside…like I was in a room without any light. I mentally shook my head. I was a fuck up, it seemed.

I walked past the hallway and entered the living room, and then froze. That blonde idiot…he had the hugest 'grin' on his face…I saw his body tense, as if he was going to spring at me, and I froze for just a millisecond.

That seemed to be all it took, the one minute when my carefully composed mask slipped, it was enough to make him stop.

And for some reason, I didn't want him too. I felt 'hurt' when he didn't jump up and, as he called it, 'glomp' me. Like ha had done to my Mother when she sent use here, and deemed me 'fixed.'

I think she was wrong. Even though Mother was supposed to never be wrong…I don't think that I'm okay.

I think I'm still broken. But that's just me. Maybe I'm supposed to be so…empty?

A.N. So…what did you think? R&R pleeeease?? Pwetty pwetty please?? O.o


	3. Chicken Soup and A Hug Didn't Help Me

A.N. HA! Back again? Teehee! I knew you'd return…

*coughs* anyway. SO yes, I am updating again. In the same day. I just couldn't get it out of my mind…I need to write something. My story, Fallen (the one I want to get published), is going slower than a snail that has an apartment complex on its back and a bum…whatever they use to get around.

Nice analogy? I think so.

Special thanks to Rae2009 for being so uberly awesome-sauce nice. For the love of cheesecake, you totally made my self esteem go from -10 to like a good even 0, thank you!! And H3manga00...yeh this is really dry feeling. I need to get more emotion into it or something. And you read Alone? Lol ty! ^-^

Yeh. I totally said for the love of cheesecake. Totally went there. :P

Disclaimer: meh. Go read my disclaimer in my last chappie.

Warning. GAY LUUURV!!! WEWT!!!! -fan boys- okay. that's all. Oh language but who really gives a ****?

Zexion's POV

I watched as Roxas crossed over to the mull-hawked blonde. Flinging his amrs around the older teen, the smaller blonde quickly asked.

"What's wrong, Demy?"

Axel snorted. "He's just being all emo. Leave it alone." turning to me, he motioned for me to sit. "So. Zexion. Tell us about yourself."

'Emo'? Was that some sort of disease (a.n. yes it is…one that I haave!! 3).

"I don't know anything about myself." I stated flatly. Looking down, I stared at my hands. Roxas had demanded that I put on a pair of gloves…without fingers. Which really didn't make sense to me, but I was thankful for them. They made my hands 'warm'.

I felt a strange thought brush past my mind.

I wish I felt warm on the inside too. And not so…empty.

"But surely you remember something?" the redhead asked. His hair…was so 'annoying'? It made me feel a bit like standing up and pulling it. Is that annoyance?

I wouldn't know. I'm so damn empty.

"No…I don't remember anything. Except for what Mother and Demyx told me…" I paused, and hugged myself.

Demyx's head shot up. "It'sokayhoneyhonestlyidon'tmindandneitherdothey!" he babbled out.

I froze. "What did you call me?"

He paused, and a sheepish grin spread across his face. "Umm…Old habits die hard I called you 'honey.'" he ran a hand through his hair. "I mean, I know you don't remember Zex, but honestly I-"

"You what?" I asked, and I could feel the cold in my voice. The endless, eternal cold that chilled my very spirit. I turned away, and picked up my Lexicon, which was sitting on the short, round table. I had totally forgotten I brought it with me…clutching it to myself, I continued to look down.

"Don't you ever call me that again." I said silently. "I don't know who you are."

Silence. Maybe, 'awkward' silence? I was 'confused', what did I do?

"Hey, who's hungry?" Roxas asked, cheerful.

I really do not…'like'…gay people. Their too 'happy'.

And for some reason, I want to be happy really, really bad.

Axel's POV

Gods. That kid was starting to piss him off.

Not Zexion. He was almost like the old Zex that Axel knew and tolerated. Cold, distant, and indifferent. Even though there was a certain, I don't know, wistfulness about him? Like he didn't want to be cold anymore.

Like he wanted to be warmed up. Well sorry honey, you hate gays and I'm taken by the cutest, sexiest, and most annoying boyfriend.

Yeah. It wasn't Demyx I was pissed at either. It was my own wonderful boyfriend. Who had totally turned from leavemealoneiwanttodie emo to OMGi'msohappylet'sgosnuggle or heylet'.

How utterly, totally ANNOYING! And the worst part was…

Damn it I was getting hard again watching him waltz around the kitchen, being all sexy cooking. Good thing he'd gotten dressed while he passed stuff on to Zexy, or Goddess help me, I woulda taken him here and now, all over the kitchen.

I'll get my piece of ass. Come hell or high water. Hopefully water first since ya know, Demyx can make it do what he wants. Fire's my thing and all but hellfire sounds a bit too hot.

I was drooling, and it wasn't from the smell of food cooking.

"Hey Ax…" Demyx asked me as he stood behind me. "Do you happen to have any clothes I could wear? These Org. robes are okay and all but…"

"Sure thing Dem. My blowjob wore off so if I don't leave now," I pointed to my uke who grinned evilly and stuck his tongue out at me. "I'll fuck him. Even though you guys are right there, Goddess help me I'll do it."

Demyx laughed, and I shot him full of daggers with my eyes.

"I'm serious. Fluff is good and all, but I want some sex already. And I'm to much of a gentlemen to force myself, either."

Demyx snickered, his huge grin almost cutting his face in half. "Used to you'd just do it,

consequences to hell for all you cared."

I paused, and sobered. My sexual frustration being squashed completely as I pushed it to the back of my mind. "This Roxas is different…he's so…fragile. I've had to save him from killing himself twice already." I said softly.

Demyx's grin disappeared. "Yeah, it's all different now, isn't it?"

I nodded, leading him back into the bedroom, and then to my two-thirds of the closet (what, I had a lot of clothes…and it's a small closet. Don't look at me like that!).

Yeah, it sure as hell was different now. Searching for clothes, I spied the cum stains from where Roxas took care of me earlier.

"Damn it!" I shouted in frustration. I was hard again.

-----

Roxas' POV

I waltzed around the kitchen, knowing Axel was watching me with lust in his eyes.

Teehee. I was totally turning him on, on purpose. He wants all of this? He'll have to suffer.

"Hey Ax…:I heard Demyx (who I was really starting to like. He was funny when he wasn't thinking of Zexion, and happy. But not in a retard way like that-damn-idiot-Sora.)

"Sure thing, Dem. My blowjob wore off so I don't leave now," he pointed at me, and I grinned and stuck my tongue out. He flinched a bit, probably remembering what said tongue had done just a little while ago. Blushing I turned away. The rest of his statement was lost as the blood pumped and raged in my ears.

Goddess, I get so bashful now. But it was better than suicidal.

I'll take bashful over suicidal any day, and the self-hate? Well I still had that but it was manageable now thanks to Axel's adorations. (a.n. just cuz he's happy in this story doesn't mean I am. Remember I said I wasn't going to write myself in this time?)

Zexion walked into the room, so I stopped waltzing around. It wouldn't be nice to stab someone with something would it?

Well…if it was Sora then that's okay, but Zex, Demy, and/or my beautiful Fire Crotch?

Hell no.

"What are you doing?" he asked silently, from right behind me, as I was cutting up some veggies. I jumped, and barely missed chopping off my finger.

"Ohmygoddess, you scared me!" I said, laughing as I quickly dumped the vegetables into the pot. I was in a chicken soup mood. (a.n. I make killer chicken noodle soup btw. Fresh. It's amazing).

He looked at me, confused. "If I scared you why are you 'laughing'?"

I could hear the quotation marks around laughing clear as day. "You don't remember how to laugh?" I asked, totally off topic, I know.

"No. I know it's a reaction people have when something is 'funny' but I don't remember it at all." he looked down. "There's something wrong with me, isn't there I don't really remember how to feel emotions." he said especially quiet.

I dropped the chicken (pre-cooked, from the freezer) and some spices into the pan and set it on the stove. He looked so dejected standing there. The way he had acted before…when Axel hugged him and Dem before (Naked. I'm still blushing on the inside.), I thought he had emotions. He sure sounded mad.

I felt my heart pull in my chest. He sounded so sad, and alone. He didn't even know he sounded sad, too, since he didn't remember how to feel that emotion, apparently.

Alone. My one word suicide note. I didn't want anyone to feel like that. No one deserved it, no one deserved to feel alone.

I looked down at my scars, which had healed over the past few months, almost to non-existence. But I knew they were there. And so did Axel.

I walked over to Zexion, thinking those things, and I hugged him tight, as tight as I could without suffocating him.

----

Zexion's POV

I was confused when Roxas hugged me. The only times I had ever been hugged (besides when Mother did it, and that horrid show of nasty this morning), they hadn't 'felt' like this.

I felt a bit of warmth in my soul. Just a quick flare, which was quickly snuffed out by the sound of chicken noodle soup overflowing on the stove.

"Ohmygosh." Roxas dropped his arms, just as I had been about to hug him back, and ran to the stove, turning the heat down.

I walked out of the kitchen, and sat down in the living room. Putting my head in my hands, I sat there. Sadness. This is what it felt like, right?

The little flare of warmth was gone.

Roxas: Ayden, why is there a lot of me and Axel in this story? I thought it was a Dexion?

Because. I have to put something till the good stuff happens! -wiggles eyebrows-

Demyx: Oh god, he's gonna have us fucking soon isn't he? Isn't he?

Zexion: ….what's fucking? Is it fun?

Axel: well, hell yes! See what you do is-

NONONONO!! Don't tell him you ass! He's supposed to be an innocent uke!! -writes duck tape on Axel's mouth-

Teehee, here have some soup!

A.N. Seriously I make killer chicken noodle. And my spaghetti sauce? OMG to die for.

Damn I'm getting hungry now. So anyway, I updated twice in the same night, so don't expect much for a while! If any of you want to check out what I have of Fallen posted on the net, and read some of my poetry (I'm not that good, let me tell you. No matter what people say) check out my fiction press account. The link is on my profile page.

I also have a poll up (it should be up anyway) and I need people to vote on it! Love you bunches for dealing with me!


	4. Shopping Trip!

A.N. So….I'm trying to get Zexy to warm up a bit soon. Don't worry!

Demyx's POV.

I flitted around the kitchen after we ate that soup (which was totally amazing), waiting for the desert. Roxas could really cook…which was funny, because the one we knew burnt anything and everything.

Of course Axel was worse. He burnt down the kitchen trying to make toast…(a.n. my oneshot Burnt Toast :P). So it was kind of refreshing to get to eat something.

I watched enviously as Axel helped Roxy do the dishes. Standing behind the shorter blond, chin resting on his shoulder as he reached around the younger boy drying as Roxas washed. It wasn't very efficient…but it looked so loving. Axel was so much softer since he had come here. Used to be, he really would have bent Roxas over a table whenever he was horny.

But he treated him like he was so fragile and breakable. Which, after hearing about what happened a few months ago, I could see why.

Sigh. I was supposed to be bubbly, an idiot. I'm not supposed to have depressing thoughts.

I walked into the living room (okay, I actually skipped…don't judge me!), and flopped down onto the couch next to Zexion, who was reading out of his Lexicon.

"What ya doing, Zex?" I asked, leaning back and crossing my arms behind my head.

"Trying to remember…" he said silently.

I look him over. Another thing that was different…he wasn't so indifferent, or cold.

I leaned against him a little bit, and he didn't notice. I leaned in a bit more, and felt him return the favor.

He didn't even seem to notice though. We just sat there, leaning on each other. Until that ass Axel walked into the room.

"Hey! Look at ya'll! All cuddly and stuff!" he shouted. Zexion jumped like a scared kitty and scooted as far as he could away from me.

"Stay away from me…"he whispered silently, and closing his book, went into the kitchen to join Roxas with the deserts.

I, I for one had lost my need for sugar. All desire for some sweet tasting yumminess left me.

I just wanted to sit here and cry.

No. I wanted my Zexion back!

Roxas' POV

I sighed. This atmosphere was making me feel emo again, which sucked.

"Hey…" I said, and cleared my throat. "Umm…" I lost track of thought when Zexion's cold, sad eyes looked up at me. And when Demyx's warm, sad ones looked at Zexion; and when Axel smirked at me…with something else entirely in his eyes.

"Well…you guys need some new clothes." I pointed at our two new comrades. "Aaand. Umm we need to lighten the mood a bit."

Axel grabbed my arm, and pulled me into a big hug.

"Meep!" I squeaked.

"Aw, look at you! Trying to be all kyoot and make them happy!" Axel said as he nuzzled my neck.

"Axel….Axel…." I forced out. "Axel I can't breathe!!"

He just chuckled. "Honey, that's the point!"

I squirmed. Dang it he was hard again!

"Leggo of me you horndog." I said, giggling. Turning around, I straddled his lap, feeling his hardness against my own manhood, and faced him seriously.

"Not yet, okay? I'll let you…just not yet." and I kissed him, soft and sweet.

I'd have to take care of my boyfriend sooner or later. I just hoped that no one would walk in on us this time.

Demyx's POV*

"Ohmagod, Roxas, these clothes are amazing!" I said, looking down at myself. These skinny-jean things? Ohmagod seriously hot. Good thing Roxas was rich. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" I hugged him tightly from my seat next to him.

I looked down around me, bags everywhere. We were in the 'food court', eating the things Axel had mentioned before, the 'smoothies' and 'chili cheese fries'.

Roxas grimaced "My brother is going to kill me, but its okay." chuckling to himself, he looked over at Axel. "He bought a lot more than you both did, believe me."

Axel just snorted, and started in on his second tray of food. "At least I can pay for myself now, thanks to Aerith."

I looked at him funny. "You have a job?"

A.N. so I know this is a short chapter. I'm really sorry but I have to work on Fallen V.V believe me that damn book is getting on my nerves now


	5. New Note!

Author's Note.

Dearly beloved readers. You are gathered here today to read this letter of fucking celebration!!

AYDEN's BACK!!!! -crowds roar- RAWR!!! -heart symbol- Dinosaaaaaurs!! -glomps-

-ahem- sorry for the random

yeh anyway. here's an update! I'm going to start writing again, depression is still as bad but i will be writing again, i got some uberass poetry done, so all's good. Got some stuff published online (YAY) not mkaaking much money from it though (BOO).

heres the story updates!

* * *

A Nobodies Requiem: Finale is having some problems, so this one is on hiatus for like...ever maybe. Unless i write a chapter that's just Demyx (since she writes Zexion;s POV).

Alone: One Word Suicide Note: Working on the rewrite as we speak! Going to redo ALL the chapters, then upload and switch em, then leave a note (like this one), to let ya'll know!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: This is Alone's Sequel. NEW CHAPTER IS IN THE WORKS, ya'll will have it by the end of the week. Or you can shoot me.

Once Upon a Midnight Dreary: Discontinued, loves. Sorry.

Dude, where's My Sword? : (Cleon) In the works, shall be posted within 2 weeks.

Oh My Goddess: (ZackxAerith, with some ZackxSephy rape D: )In the next 2 weeks!

Darkside: Chapter 2 is halfway done!

* * *

Mkay, so, you ave my honest, solemn word that there will be updates within the next 2 weeks. just been so damn busy ;-; so i apologise profusely. Ya know what gets me writing faster? Reviews. so. if you havnt read one of theses stories ( they are all Kingdom Hearts, besides Once Upon...), go read them, and review. or Reread. i don't care, just show me luuurv!!

For the Love of Dinosaurs,

Ayden S.

-cue scrollyish signature-


	6. Missing My Moogle

AN

OEHMGEE

Ayden is back in action. This has to be the longest chapter I have ever written for a fan fiction. 8 pages, folks, tis a miracle!! Anyway, read and review and enjoy!

Disclaimer: No, I do not own KH, or any of its characters, sorry loves. This means I can't bloody well make Axel and Roxas lovers in the game, or make Orgy 13: a hentai game for KH. Teehee. I have it all in my mind though~~~!

Axel's POV

Even though I said that Roxas was better…I still watched him closely. Has it really been only a few months, since I had saved him from oblivion? Had time really moved that quickly? How had he made this impact on me…how did Roxas ALWAYS have this impact on me.

I sure as hell didn't know. Maybe that's why I'm asking you.

As a Nobody…in the Castle, I hadn't expected to love someone. But then Roxas showed up…quiet, unspeaking, like a doll. And I wanted him. I wanted to love him so much…to feel another being, even if we really didn't have hearts.

Then I died. At my own hand (I would never tell Demyx that…he still thinks Sora killed me.), for Sora…for Roxas, who I knew was in there somewhere. Maybe he saw me die? That thought haunted me still. The original Roxas…back in that other world, in Sora's body. Alone, within his Somebody.

Yeah, I know, Sentimental Axel. Oh no, the world is over, the horndog has feelings!!

If you're thinking that, I hope you burn. Ass.

"You have a job?" Demyx asked me from across the table, a corndog in one hand, and a packet of ketchup in another. I snickered mentally. Teehee, can you see what that looks like?

Oh. Derr, never mind, you can't.

Wait. Who am I talking to anyway? Gah, forget it.

"Yes, dip shit, I have a job, in this world? You Can't just go kill something and get munny, you have to earn it here, ergo, a job." I picked at my glorious, heavenly chili cheese fries. For some reason, I just couldn't eat them today. "In fact, you should probably get one too. You can't expect Roxas to feed you forever." Roxas protested, and I saw Demyx flinch. I did too…the acid in my voice was plain to everyone at the table. Well, except for Zexion, course he was so…whatever he is…that he didn't notice.

Why had I snapped like that, at my best friend? Maybe…maybe it was because I had forgotten how fragile Roxas was…and acted the way I did earlier? Maybe that was ruining my delicious lovely heavenly chilli cheese fries, and making me a right royal bitch?

Gah, again with the asking…

"He works in the flower shop Aerith runs. She says he has a special way with the tiger lilies, and the carnations." Roxas smiled at me, one of his big, eye-crinkling anime ones. A tiny little sun blossomed in my chest, and my unhappiness disappeared. God I loved him so much, he was every-

"BAHAHAAA AXEL WORKING WITH FLOWERS??" Demyx burst into the loudest, most annoying laughter ever. "What, are you turning into a Marluxia? I thought for sure you'd be a professional killer-"

"Illegal." Roxas and I said at the same time. This was strangely similar to one of our first conversations…

"Assassin?"

"Isn't' that the same thing?" Roxas asked.

"No, and again illegal" I started to eat my chili cheese fries with greater gusto. And drink my smoothie. Glorious smoothies, strawberry, the most delicious thing ever.

"Ninja?" Demyx asked in a very small voice.

"Not in this era. Go back a few hundred years." Roxas slurped his smoothie, a vanilla one. A little bit was left over on his lip…a white…creamy mustache.

Urk. Pain! You cannot get hard in these stupid skinny jeans!!

"So what could I do?" Demyx whined, and flailed a bit. I grabbed my smoothie. No. Fucking. Way. Was. That. Retard. Spilling. My. Smoothie. I held it close to my chest. The smoothie was too holy for that.

"Well. I was thinking, Axel said you could play the…what was it? Sitar? So I'm wondering, can you play other instruments?" Roxas asked, noticing the creamy whiteness and licking it slowly. I caught him wink at me, from the corner of my eye. He knew I was watching him.

My pants just became incredibly more painful.

Demyx POV

"So what can I do?" I asked, waving my arms a bit. I was panicking on the inside; all I could do was play my beloved-

"Well. I was thinking, Axel said you could play the…what was it? Sitar? So I'm wondering, can you play other instruments?" Roxas asked, licking the vanilla smoothie off of his lip. I saw Axel twitch, and then saw Roxas wink. Haha, he's not as innocent as Axel thinks, I think. But Arpeggio…my beloved sitar…I missed her so much! She was like my baby…

"I can play sitar, guitar, piano and violin." I named them off on my fingers. "Arpeggio my sitar, was my favourite instrument, I miss it a lot; Accarezevole my piano, because all I played on it was soft melodies' Affanato, my violin, because I played sad music on it; and Affretando, my guitar, because I played fast on it." a single, solitary tear escaped my left eye…naming them, my beloved instruments, made me feel so incomplete here. (1*)

"Hmm…we could get you a teaching job, I guess. As a music teacher. Let me talk to my brother, I bet he could find you something." Roxas slurped some of his vanilla smoothie, a strange thing that was a sole piece of brilliant genius of this world.

Mine was called "coffee". I could feel the energy swimming and singing in my veins. It. Was. The. Best. Thing. EVER.

"REALLY???" I jumped across the table, and glomped Roxas hard. Axel jumped up, away from my flying form, his smoothie held in a tight grip. "NOT MY SMOOTHIE!!"

"D-Demyx…get off…can't…breathe!!"

"Oh Oh Oh sorry Roxy!!" I flailed, my arms pin wheeling wildly as I tried to catch my balance. I had just about corrected myself when a flying hand connected with a piece of Styrofoam.

"MY SMOOTHIE! My delicious, strawberry beverage of heaven!!!!" Axels wailed in agony. "DEMYX I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Roxas POV

Three hours of shopping (spending Cloud's money, of course), one smoothie incident, and a slightly charred Demyx later, I was regretting having ever come up with the idea of a shopping trip. Band-aids, a tube of aloe-vera gel, and a Large-Grande-Supersized Strawberry smoothie later, everyone had settled down from a Mt. Vesuvius vs. a flower rage to a Simmering pot of Spaghetti Sauce vs. a very wilted flower rage.

And you know what? I was loving every minute of it; even though the shopping trip was a disaster.

So far, today I had learned a few things. Here's a list:

1. My boyfriend was addicted to strawberry smoothies.

2. I was enjoying egging him on, and teasing him with the vanilla flavoured one.

3. NEVER GIVE DEMYX COFFFEE AGAIN. Seriously, he's still twitching.

4. Did I say I liked teasing Axel? Well I do. Teehee.

5. I had actually seen laughter struggling to break free from Zexion during the whole smoothie incident. In which my boyfriend and his supposed love were trying to kill each other. Well scratch that, in which my boyfriend was trying to kill the supposed love…details, details.

A being that I didn't remember how to laugh. I understood the whole "Nobody" and "Heartless" concept, Axel had explained it to me in detail. I almost fell asleep during it, but the concept was there. But according to Axel, Zexion wasn't a Nobody or Heartless, he was a human being. Of course, the three of him had super powers too (as far as I knew, Demyx and Zexion still had theirs.), so maybe they were a bit…more?…than human.

Course I was just a regular, plain old human. Blonde hair that seemed to reach towards the sky by itself, blue eyes that were described as "sorrowful and deep" in a love poem my stalker once wrote, and a body that wasn't much.

And I had a tall, sexy as hell, violently mischievous (though he hadn't pulled any pranks…yet) green eyed boyfriend, with a killer body and a voice to die for. Have I never told you about his voice? Deep, yet not too deep, husky when he's being soft, and goddess, can he sing!

Needless to say, I was feeling slightly inadequate. But that…that's better left not thought of. I don't want to have another iwanttokillmyselfcuzihateme relapse, now did I?

"Roxas. Where are they going to sleep?" Axel was standing in the doorway to my bedroom, where I had hidden myself (and, yay Christmas presents I had bought!) for the last few minutes. I was exhausted, after breaking up a flaming fight between a cowering Demyx and a certain redhead ( I bet you he's Irish.), lugging around two whole wardrobes, and then driving.

"Well you hadn't thought of that. I guess they can sleep in the living room, one on the couch and one on the floor, or in the chair." I stood up, popping my back into place as I did so. Ah, sweet relief.

"Roxas, is something wrong?" he looked down at me (why did I have to be so short?!) and I saw worry, and trepidation in his eyes. He was stepping lightly. He knew what could happen.

After all, the scars in my arm proved that, didn't they?

"No, everything is fine!" I beamed up at him, but I could tell he wasn't believing(didn't believe) it.

I had to squish these doubts I had, there was no reason to voice them. After all, I couldn't have him worry about me again. I stepped past him, into the hallway, to deliver the swift judgment of sleeping arrangements.

Never ever, would I put him through all of that again.

I walked into the living room, noticing how Zexion always kept his distance with Demyx whenever there was someone else in the room, though, when they were alone, I bet they were closer. How could I tell? Zexion was fiddling with his hair, and, after Axels bloodstains on my fabric couch refused to come out, I had gotten leather. So I could see, a fresh void in the cushion next to Demyx that was now not filled anymore.(no longer filled)

A certain blue-haired boy needed to learn, that it was okay to be close to Demyx in front of other people. Exactly how that would come to be, I haven't a clue. But, I would figure it out somehow. Not only because I wanted to see them together like their supposed to be, but also because, if I focused on their problems, I could deny mine.

Easy-peasy. No more worries. Nope, none at all.

"Hey, so Axel is going to climb up into our small attic storage space to get our blow up mattress." Axel groaned, like I knew he would, and I couldn't blame him, that storage space was a bitch. "so the two you have a choice, who gets the mattress, and who wants the couch or chair?" as I had also known, Zexion looked slightly confused.

"Zexion can have whichever is more comfortable. I don't mind, not a bit." Demyx stood up and danced over to me (that's the only word I could think of to describe the way he walks) and gave me a real tight squeeze. "Thank you much Roxy!!"

What he did next surprised me a lot, floored me really. Until Axel came, I had never seen outward signs of affection, besides the little doodles Namine would give me, and what other people did all the time, with each other. Just lately, did it seem that people showed they loved me, or liked me.

He kissed me on the cheek. Only Axel had ever kissed me, ever.

"Y-y-your wel-welcome Demyx…" I knew I was blushing bright red, and my hand involuntarily shot up to my cheek. Lucky for me, Demyx was totally oblivious and danced back to Zexion to chatter at him. Of course, I couldn't help but see Zexion staring at me, confusion on his face. I could see the question in his eyes.

"Why did he 'kiss' you, and why is your face all red?"

To be honest, I don't know.

Zexion POV

After that…intriguing…show at the 'mall', I had decided a few things. A) Axel has a strange 'obsession' with his "smoothie", B) Roxas has to deal with the other two males in the 'apartment' a lot, and C) that for some strange reason, I wanted to be close to Demyx.

So, I sat next to him on the 'couch'. not as close as we had gotten the other day…but closer than I've been to anyone else, besides Mother.

The pants that Roxas had picked out for me were very comfortable. Loose and baggy, had had called them "trip pants". Hanging off of me loosely, they had chains on them in the beginning, but I had Roxas take them off.

He had said they were actually a girl's pair, but that I was so short and skinny, they would fit and look better. I don't know if they did look good or not. Though I had noticed that Demyx was looking at me a lot… I wasn't sure if I should like that or not.

I wasn't sure what 'like' even meant. Mother was still teaching me things, through the Lexicon. I can't wait till I learn it all, because I'm tired of being empty. I want to be full.

I wanted to feel that warmth I had felt, when Roxas had hugged me the other day, and for some reason, that warmth seemed to call to me, from Demyx. Who I can't fathom, who I don't want to understand, and who I didn't really want to be near.

At least I think I didn't. I am so confused now. But thanks to Mother, and the Lexicon, which I dutifully read every waking second, I was understanding (understood) more and more; except this strange "attraction" for Demyx.

I wanted to sit next to him. I wanted to feel his warmth next to me, and feel the warmth inside of me.

So here I was, sitting on the couch, as close as I dared to be, next to Demyx. I think he may have noticed, but I don't know. Sitting there, reading my Lexicon, while he strummed on the guitar that Roxas had bought him at a "pawn shop", another something that I didn't quite understand. Only that Demyx was 'happy' and 'glomped' Roxas really hard.

'Happy'. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, or if I wanted to be it. It looked nice, yes, but for Roxas, it looked slightly painful, though…he seemed to 'like' it. And right back to that word, like. What was it? What did it mean to like someone? What did it mean that someone liked you?

I wish that I could know, someday.

Demyx POV

I sat there, strumming my guitar. Playing simple nothings, my fingers caressing the neck, a press here, a motion there, and beautiful, wonderful music came out. I had missed the music…ever since my death, and trying to fix Zexion, and then coming here, I hadn't had any. I hadn't had any of my second love, or my first.

The first being, of course my, beautiful Zexion. He was so damn pretty! Sitting here, on the couch, with his warm body slightly pressed against mine (and getting closer every little bit…was he noticing that?) all I wanted to do was reach across the tiny gap, and brush his hair aside, and kiss him.

But I couldn't do that; because he didn't remember. I don't even know if he wants to remember or not…or if he's trying to and just can't. Or maybe he does remember and doesn't care!?

All horrifying thoughts, I didn't want to think about them at all. Not one bit. Musiiiiic!!! I'll make the pretty music instead!

"Demyx…that is really 'pretty'." Zexion whispered.

I jerked, fouling up a chord. "O-oh, thank you, Z-Zexion." elated, I played with more gusto. I loved this song, I wondered if he remembered it maybe? I had written it for him, after all.

"You're welcome Demyx. I just read about 'pretty' and wanted to use it." He turned to face me. "According to the entry on 'pretty' I think you might classify as 'pretty' too, in the human standard, anyway. See?" he pointed to a block of words that I couldn't read. "It says that your pretty. I don't know for sure if you are or not, but if the Lexicon does, then I guess so." he returned to his reading.

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY!!!!!! The music tone changed and became more cheerful, a quick happy tune that I had written when he said he loved me the first time.

He called me pretty.

He just said I was pretty.

He said that the book said-

Oh…

SADSADSADSADSAD…

He doesn't think I'm pretty. The book told him I was. But he doesn't think so.

My cheerful happy song changed into a melancholy riff that I had written when he had died; a funeral march. I couldn't help it…when the music was going I had to play what my feelings were. It was just me, the way I was.

Without thinking about it, my song changed to one of Roxas' songs, that I had heard Axel singing to him in the car. He said it was called Your Guardian Angel…and it was one of the prettiest, most heartfelt songs I had heard in a long time. I wish I knew the words…Roxas promised he would let me listen to all of his music later, which I was looking forward to, if he listened to songs like that.

I couldn't remember the words, but the basic melody was there in my head, so I played it; sad and sweet, just right for my mood.

"Roxas, is something wrong?" I heard Axel's voice from the hallway, and Zexion, hearing it too, jumped up fast as a bolt of lightning and flew almost, to the chair across from me.

"No, everything is great!" Roxas too cheery reply echoed towards us as they walked into the living room. "Hey, so Axel is going to climb up into our small attic storage space to get our blow up mattress."

Axel groaned, and I could hear him mutter something that rhymed with "ducking glass of a ducking attic area." I snickered silently…old Axel would say something along the lines of:

"Screw you, you do it." Or he would have bent Roxas over a table for being commanding.

"Zexion can have whichever is the most comfortable, I don't mind, not a bit." I spoke up, and I blushed a tiny bit when Zexion looked at me. Gah, such a freaking schoolgirl, aren't I? I stood up, and walked happily over to Roxas, and gave him a big bear hug. "Thank you much Roxy!!"

"Y-y-your wel-welcome Demyx…"

I pecked him on the cheek, and danced back over to Zexion, and started talking excitedly. I loved to sleep, double triple quadruple loved it because then my moogle plushie could come out of its hiding place and I could snuggle with it-

Oh. My. Goddess.

I didn't have my moogle plushie!!!

Zexion's POV

'Sleep'. This would be, the first time I would experience it. I had never needed to sleep in Mother's Realm, because it wasn't needed there. But now…I could feel the pull and lull of sleep, yanking unceremoniously at my mind. Desperate for attention, it was. Like Demyx…

Who was on the floor, on a lumpy, lopsided air mattress (that annoying redhead decided it was too much effort to blow it up all the way) muttering.

He was ruining my first sleep experience.

"Would you kindly stop that?" I asked flatly. I know I should have sounded irritated, but I hadn't yet learned to put emotion into my voice, besides anger and sarcasm

"Y-yes…I-I'll try, sorry, Zexion…" I heard a silent sob come out of the darkness, from the location of the mattress. Crying, not muttering.

"Demyx, are you crying." not a question, a statement.

"Y-y-yes." a louder sob.

Of its own accord, my arm shot forward, and gently, my hand lay on his shoulder. I don't know why it did…why should it? I don't even like him. I don't think, since I had yet to learn what 'like' meant.

"Thank you, Zexion…"

"Why are you crying?" I asked. Again…I didn't know what I was doing! It's like it all moved of its own machinations…like I had no control over myself.

"I-I'm scared of the d-d-dark…stupid, huh?" he shuddered below my hand, and my other hand fought to join it. I prevailed, though. Sweet victory over my puppet string self.

"Why?"

"I-I don't have my m-m-moogle plushie…and it kept me company…and made me feel safe. And I m-miss it!!" he all but wailed. "A-And since you don't remember I'm all alone! I can't…even…hold…the one…that I love more than anything!!" he gasped slightly, knowing he had gone too far.

Well he had. I was feeling sadness and anger now.

"What is love, Demyx? You keep saying 'I love you!', and 'We were in love.'." I paused. Was I hurting him, being like this? Being empty? "But Demyx…I don't know what love is! I can't, I can't love because I don't know (how)."

I heard his silent, soft sobbing. But I couldn't do anything about it. I was empty, and he was full. I removed my hand, and a louder sob hitched its way through the darkness.

I turned over, my back to his unseen form. "Good night, Demyx."

Axel POV

"When I see your smile…tears run down my face I can't replace. And now that I'm strong I have figured out, how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul and I know, I'll find, deep inside me, I can be the one.

I will never let you fall. I'll stand up for you forever. I'll be there for you, through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven." I sang softly to the silent Roxas, my hands slowly combing through his spiky hair. I for one loved it, though he seemed to have a problem with it.

I don't know why. I'd kill to have my naturally straight, red hair stick up all the time. The gel and stuff was really being a bitch on it.

"Axel?"

"Yes, love?" I bent down, and kissed him on the forehead. So soft…so sweet and fragile my Roxas.

"Are you…are you my guardian angel? I-I mean I want you to be…but are you?" he shifted slightly, and his cerulean blue eyes met my acid green ones.

"Of course, love. Why do you need to ask?" I paused, and kissed his nose. "I saved you from death…how many times, three? When you cut, when you were sick, and then when you tried to die."

He looked down, a tear showing in his left eye. I caught it on my finger, and quickly flicked it away. "I'm sorry…"

"Roxas…" I kissed him that time, really kissed him. Deep and soft, I nibbled slightly on his lower lip, my tongue probing against his top one, begging entrance.

He didn't grant it. Silvery salt invaded our kiss. He was crying.

"Don't cry about it. Never feel ashamed that I love you, Roxas."

"I'm not ashamed of you, I never could be." he whispered. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just feeling a bit under the weather today, just forget about it." He leaned forward, and kissed me silently, then, rolling off of my chest, turned the light off.

"G'night Axel." he turned onto his side, back pressed firmly against me.

"Night love…"

(1) Demyx's instrument names are all musical terms, and you can figure out what they mean by what he says about the instrument, whether he plays it soft, sad, or fast and cheerful.

AN

Ha. So that's the end of chapter whatever this is (I lost count). Anyway, if all goes well, next chapter in another few weeks! I'm working on Darkside, and then my 2 oneshots about Aerith and Zack; Cloud and Leon. And can I say one thing?

It's good to be back.


	7. A Merry First Christmas To You, Part One

GUYS GUYS GUYS OMG. Go read The Silver Lining, please? Its so darn uber!! I absolutely love it!! -coughs- anyway here's the Christmas chapter. I haven't messed with telling you what time of year it is and that's perfect for me, because idunno. I just wanted to do a Christmas chapter. J It'll be short, most of my time now is dedicated to the random stories that keep popping up in my mind, and The Silver Lining, which is the Cleon oneshot I promised but turned into a whole story…lol. I'm having problems with keeping the story ideas under control.

Disclaimer: Same one applies.

Roxas POV

I have never been classified as a "ditz." I was always quiet and emo, with my earbuds jammed concretely in my ears, blasting music deep into my skull and leading me to early deafness. It was lovely, I always got to scoff and laugh and tease the idiots around me, the scatterbrained fools that always lost things they needed.

I wanted to cry, I misplaced Axel's Christmas present! The first time I had EVER lost something important to me, ever, and it had to be my wonderful, magical, cinnamon smelling boyfriend's gift. It was enough to make me want to bang my head against a wall, repeatedly until my grey matter gushed everywhere in rivulets down the walls. Lovely, I was being ditzy and morbid, too great combinations for my mental well being. Which, after months of being perfectly fine, thanks to my wonderful amazing lovely awesome cinnamon smelling boyfriend; but now I felt like cracking again, and I don't know why.

It was all these damn people in my apartment. Oh, my, Goddess. There was Demyx who had the energy and attention span of a three year old on crack; Zexion who was very easy to get along with because, oh gee, he didn't do anything but read all damn day long; my aforementioned loving boyfriend who was falling in between a strange depression and uncontrollable bouts of horniness; and OH YES HOW LOVELY. Sora and Riku, the two new lovebirds had come to stay with us. Want to know why? Ask them, the fucktards. The whole idea of SIX people in my house made me want to scream, cry, and strangely, tease Axel sexually even more. I was a cruel, cracking, little blonde. And now I had lost his present, which was amazing. I had actually spent time to think it all through, I had bought Demyx one of the small roll away piano, since I didn't have room for a full one; I had bought Zexion an entire Encyclopedia Britannica; and I had gotten Axel a Santa Claus stripper suit, but, wrapped up in it was a gift card to Joe's Smoothies. It was perfect, since Axel always complained about not getting enough of his beloved strawberry smoothies.

It was perfect, the perfect gift, and I had hidden it so well I couldn't find it anywhere, so I couldn't wrap it. I had never felt so stupid in my life. Or maybe I should feel super devious; since I had hidden it so craftily it was gone forever, or as good as gone? Gah, I don't know.

"Demyx, get dressed." I kicked the mattress slightly, and Demyx looked up at me with huge, bloodshot eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well at all, and no one knew why, though, I had an inkling maybe Zexion did and was ignoring it. Why ignore it thought, unless whatever it was he didn't understand. It's not like he went out of his way to not notice Demyx, unless they were too close, but I had started to notice subtle, little things he would do, body language that would flash on and off faster than lightning. Zexion's body seemed to remember, even if his mind didn't.

"Why?" he perked up when he saw I was holding my car keys. "Ohmygosh yay!!!! Are we going somewhere?! Please say we're going somewhere!!" he jumped up and hugged me really tight. "The mall? Please the mall I want some more of that coffee stuff!!" I groaned.

"Yes, we're going somewhere, yes the mall, no to the coffee you're already wired and all I did was tell you we were going somewhere!" I grabbed Zexion's elbow and pulled him up. Instead of protesting like a normal person would, he just looked at me with that blank empty stare that meant he was recording everything with his mind. "You too, bucko. Let's go."

I hadn't really planned on doing much for Christmas, it wasn't a favourite holiday of mine, I viewed it only as a way to get presents that usually disappointed you because no one read your list. But Axel had changed that, like he had changed so many other things about me and I found myself actually looking forward to it this year. Of course, I hadn't planned on losing his gift but still…I was actually waiting impatiently to see his face when he opened whatever I ended up getting what I got him…whatever that was.

"Roxas can I speak with you for a minute?" Zexion pulled me away from the door as I was following the blundering loveable bunch of fluff made of pure energy that was Demyx. "I was wondering if you were shopping for 'Christmas', and I wanted to propose a gift for him." he pointed at the back of the dancing blond, who was singing "Coffee" at the top of his lungs. My neighbours were all poking their heads out of their doors, looking at him in fear, curiosity, and from Yuna upstairs an uproarious laughter. He was like our personal comedian, and he lived in my apartment. A mixed blessing. Very mixed.

"What?" he had caught my interest with that. And his slight blush too, that definitely caught my interest.

"A 'plushie' for him to sleep with. He told me to keep it 'secret' but it's so annoying that I had to tell you." he paused. "He's scared of the dark, and I was reading about childish fears in the Lexicon and their usually remedied by childish things, such as toys?" I nodded. "So, get him a plushie for your holiday."

I thought for a minute. How to manipulate this in a way that would bring Zexion out of Zexion? I mean, how to make it where he fell back in love with Demyx (that's what the whole dilemma was, wasn't it?) and then…then they could move out for good!

"Hm. How about, I give you the money and you pick one out, that you think suits Demyx? And Demyx can help me pick out a present for Axel while you do that." I linked my arm through his and walked him out the door, ignoring his protests. "No fighting on that, it's perfect and it's happening."

Riku POV

I grumbled in my sleep, having an unhappy dream in which I broke it off with my beautiful fiancé for my old high school flame that was going to propose to his equally beautiful and wonderful girlfriend. Who happened to be my fiancé's sister, and twin. I snuggled deeper into the blankets, and rubbed my hands against the small arms that were holding onto me tight, and smiled half asleep. But as soon as I reached where the arm met the body and felt the bushy hair there my eyes flew open.

This so was not Namine next to me. I started to panic and thought back really, really hard as to how exactly I had gotten drunk enough to end up in bed with a man, but nothing came to mind. The only thing I had done was go to Sora's apartment yesterday…and then it all hit me, that it was, in fact reality that I had broke it off with my beautiful fiancé for my old high school flame that was going to propose to his equally beautiful and wonderful girlfriend. Who happened to be my fiancé's sister, and twin.

"Morning honey bunch!" A voice, from the general area where a voice would come from, if it was attached to a shorter person. It wasn't a woman's voice. It was someone I knew altogether too intimately…

"S-Sora?" I whispered. It couldn't be true, this was the dream right? Or the nightmare, better put.

"Hmmm yes babe?" the voice yawned from beside me, and I felt the body next to me shift as he put his weight on his elbows, lifting himself up to meet me face to face, and kiss me softly. I, unthinking and surely insane, kissed him back. No, no, no, no, no, this wasn't, couldn't, shouldn't. yet still somehow was happening. Shit!

"What exactly happened yesterday?" I licked my lips, and tried to swallow past the freaking sandpaper that my mouth felt like, just the idea of what might have happened was making me panic and scream NOOOO really loud in my head.

Sora's face bunched a bit as his brow furrowed, a sign he was thinking really hard. I knew all of Sora's body language by heart, I had made sure to memorize it after hours of semi-stalking in high school. He reached up, and like I knew he would, scratched the back of his head in confusion. "Whaddya mean by, 'What happened?' babe?" he put his elbows on my chest, and propped his head in his hands, and looked me deep in the eye with the most smug expression on his face. "I won, that's what happened!"

"Y-you won?" I was a competition?

"Yup! You're aaaaalllll mine!!" he dropped his head, and hugged me really tight as best he could, since I was laying on my back, on what appeared to be Roxas' floor, wrapped in what I was guessing Roxas blankets and a pile of our clothes.

Waaait a minute. Why was my shirt my pillow, how did it get off, and was that my underwear on the back of the couch? Oh Goddess I hope not, how embarrassing what the hell did we DO last night?! I reached down, and my hand brushed gently against bare skin, and more bare skin, and then bare skin that wasn't mine at all. Shit!

"Hey! None of that, everyone's awake now!" he grabbed one of the sheets and wrapped it around himself, toga style, and stood up. I took better stock of my surroundings (my eyes couldn't help but take in a bit to much when a part in his toga moved just right as he walked away), and realized they must have pushed the couch out from behind the wall, and mushed us in between the wall and the couch., making a screen between us and the outside world. Oh thank the holy Goddess. We hadn't had sex where others could easily see, if we had had sex. My eyes came across an empty wrapper and an item of the rubber kind, and I groaned. Never mind, we had.

"BABY GET UP. I made us breakfast!!!" Sora came running in the room, dressed in a set of Roxas' signature Tripp shorts and band tee. "Here, I bet you could wear Axel's clothes." he tossed a pair of pants and a shirt and belt at me, with such force I fell back down and got hit in the face with the belt buckle and the zipper on the pants. Sora had just pwned me with pants. No he didn't pwn me, I was just…shocked…yes, that's it, shocked.

"Umm, when did I become a competition?"

"When you hit puberty and became so damn sexy." he paused, and tapped his chin. "Well, actually you're the prize, not so much the competition. And like any good trophy wife, you're going to be shown off." he grabbed my hand and pulled me up, waltzing the both of us to the kitchen, where runny eggs and burnt toast awaited us.

Oh Goddess, what did I do to deserve this? Kill. Me. Now.

Axel POV

"Ouch!" I sucked on my pricked finger. "Damn you rose for pricking me!" the rose bush wilted slightly, and I felt a tad guilty. I sighed, and patted the fat bud before me. "Sorry, it's not your fault you can protect yourself so well and I'm a pwnable noob." the rose laughed in its silent, flowery way, and a few more buds popped open. "Thank you very much." I patted it again and steeled myself. I had to cut the daisies next, and they were the insufferable bitches of the garden. As soon as my clippers reached to clip, they wriggled away laughing, like Demyx in a flower from. Ooh the little motherfucking bitches I'll -

"Axel! Quit cussing at the daisies!" Aerith stood up from the place she was kneeling, in front of the irises, who had somehow gotten it into their leafy heads that they didn't have to bloom. "They can't help it. And if you make the roses wilt again I'll stab you." she dusted her dress off as she stood, and patted the large bush of lilacs. "Sweetling here is ready to be clipped too, don't forget!"

"I won't Aerith." she smiled and started to water some of the mums. "It's amazing how you can get them to bloom in this weather." I shivered slightly. It wasn't exactly cold yet, but the wind had a very uncanny ability to blow at you when you were standing in a shady spot, making goose bumps jump out all over the place.

"I just ask them nicely."

"Think it'll work with the daisies? Because the-" she cleared her throat and I amended what I was going to say. "-darling little sweetums are annoying me." I finally grumbled out. Oh how joyously wonderful it would be to torch the little buggers.

"Nah, their having too much fun." she came over and smacked the nearest sunny bud. "Calm down you bloody idiots and let him trim you!" the daisies stopped moving, and started to shiver. "That's better." she smiled happily again and resumed watering.

Aerith scared the shit out of me. Me and the daisies had that much in common.

"It's not my fault I am the way I am. Perfect in every way." brushing her hands off, she stepped into the shop. "I'm going to fix us some tea, be right back lovelies." she paused at the door. "And Axel."

I sighed, she was just so much fun to be around. "After I clip you, you have my permission to move around all you want, then I won't have the dragon lady come back, we have a deal?" a single bud nodded, and I patted it. "Good. We have an accord."

"Hello love!" Arms appeared around my chest and hugged me tight from behind, and I smiled. "Who could this be, these arms that appear from nowhere?" Roxas laughed and burrowed his head against my back.

"Axel, why do you always smell so good? Like cinnamon and now roses too?" I turned around and squeezed him tight, my little blue eyed love.

"I don't know, do I smell like that?" I lifted my hands to my face and sniffed. I could smell the rose (she was so happy now, the scent pervaded everywhere), but not cinnamon. "I could ask you the same thing, you smell like-" I bent down and smelled his hair. "Vanilla, though I know for a fact you don't use vanilla shampoo or anything."

"I smell like vanilla?!" he smelled his hands too. "I can't smell it. That's weird." he paused, then kissed me softly. "Anyway, me, Demyx, and Zexion are going to the mall real fast, I forgot to get something for Cloud, for Christmas." he hugged me again tighter this time. "Love you, see you tonight for dinner."

"Okay, dearheart. See you then." I was puzzled, that was the second time Roxas had mentioned this "Christmas" thing, and I wanted to know-

"You want to know what Christmas is?" Aerith appeared to have materialized behind me, a mug of mint tea in each hand, one of which she offered me. I had almost gotten used to the way she could move without a sound. "It's an Earth holiday, we celebrate it every year. No one really remembers why it's called 'Christmas', though."

"How do you celebrate it? Roxas said something about presents." I sipped the tea, only to find it was already the perfect temperature, not too hot, yet hot enough. "If you're supposed to give presents, I want to get one for Roxas."

"That's one way, yes. We also all get together, and eat a large fattening dinner, tell stories and just spend time in each other's company." she sipped at her tea. "It's a holiday of love, and one way we show it is giving out presents to those we love and care for. I'm surprised Roxas hasn't brought it up, though I really shouldn't be I guess, Roxas never liked Christmas too much."

"Why? It sounds lovely."

"Roxas loves people. He loves people to love him, and he's always wanted someone to spend it with, someone special. But Roxas never had that till now, and that's probably why he's now going out of his way to plan the perfect presents for everyone. Being with you." she poked me in the chest, "Has brought out the best of him. He used to be an insufferable brat, because of his and Cloud's parents, and his own personal demons."

"I think I know what I want to get him. Aerith, can you come with me to pick it out?" the perfect thing, something to show Roxas that I loved him with all I had.

"Sure, and I like your idea. Let's go, I know just the place."

WOOT we has SoRiku now!! YES!!! The whole smell thing will be explained in later chapters...I promise!! :D Okay so this is only part one, the next half will be uploaded next week!! Mostly because I haven't the time right now to finsih it up...lol. Don't forget to review lovees! OH and the next chapter....its a DOOOOOOOOZY


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